


but now i'm drowning

by KimDenn



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Drowning, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Pre-Canon, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Reggie is an asshole, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 04:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18275999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimDenn/pseuds/KimDenn
Summary: “Why is Klaus here?” His words are gritted out and he can feel Them stirring, can feel the dark inside him rousing to the anger that was coursing in his veins. There was also fear, but anger was better. Anger can make you feel stronger and act faster. Fear makes you frozen and weak. And Klaus was already looking at him with fear, it was palpable that Ben can feel it from the other end of the room. They can’t both be scared right now. They can’t. Specially if he was going to do what Ben thinks.-Or in which Reginald decided that Ben's improvement was not enough so he decided to give Ben an incentive.





	but now i'm drowning

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta-ed because I don't have friends.

“No, not enough.” Reginald muttered as he stared at the hardbound notebook in his hands. In his cursive handwriting, sparse data about _Number Six_ was written, and as he said, it was not enough. The man of science gritted his teeth in frustration.

 

This can’t be it. He has to get more, to know more. But the child’s performance left anything to be desired. It seemed like they hit a wall in their improvement this year. But it just can’t be it. He needs _more._ All he needs is to push Six a little harder.

 

“But how?” He murmured as he stared at the black and white screen in front of him. The left-most corner screen caught his attention as he saw Number 4, Number 6 and Number 2 play in the kitchen among with Grace. Reginald hummed as something formed in his mind.

 

Yes, he get it now. All Number 6 needs is a little _incentive._

 

~.~

 

“Hey Beeeennn! Bennnnyyyyy Benny Beenn notice mee!” The said boy looked up exasperation clear in his expression as he carefully closed the books he was holding.

 

“Yes? What’s the problem Klaus?” Klaus plopped on the armchair beside Ben, squeezing himself in before giving the other a grin.

 

“Nothing!” Ben sighed and rolled his eyes, fondness evident in his expression. He scooted to the side as he opened the book in order to give his brother more space. It was a tight fit but he rather liked the warmth Klaus excluded so he didn’t bother making him move and instead continued his reading.

 

“Hey Ben.”

 

“Yes Klaus?” He asked ever patient as his eyes tracked the words in the book. He could feel Klaus moving on his side trying to find a comfortable position before settling on leaning his head on Ben’s shoulder.

 

“You heard what Dad said earlier right?”

 

“Hmm.” Ben paused at his reading but didn’t look up.

 

“He said we’ll have a joint-training today.” Ben didn’t say anything, opting to say silent and waiting for what his brother was going to say. He was silent today, his brother. It worried him. Because he was never silent. He was always moving, always speaking, never still and always cheerful.

 

“I’m scared Ben.” Klaus said, voice but a whisper. Ben closed his eyes and resisted the urge to slump down. He was too, to be honest. He was scared of what was going to happen to that god-forsaken training. Normal training was bad enough but add this to the mix? Ben was wondering what torture did their father came up with.

 

“It’s okay Klaus. Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.” Klaus didn’t speak and decided to just close his eyes, leaning on Ben’s side. They both know that what Ben said was a lie.

 

And god. What a lie it was.

 

“D-dad.” Ben could feel his throat closing in, he could feel his legs shaking at what he was seeing in front of him.

 

Ben and Klaus was separated when they were brought down on Ben’s training room. Compared to the usual, the room was not empty oh no it was not. At the far end of the room he could see a tank. It was huge and so _so_ big. It was also familiar, very familiar. (Once upon a time Ben and Klaus sneaked around the mansion looking for secret hiding places. They managed to get down and found a room. They found the tank there it was filled with water. So much water and Diego was inside. Diego was inside and it was his training time but he can’t breathe because it was too long and god he’s going to drown and what are you doing Dad let him out you have to let him out he’sgoingtodiedie _diedieI’mgoingTOKILLYO-_ )

 

Ben gasped as his hand shook he can’t breath and he already has a bad feeling because God why is Klaus inside. Why is Klaus inside that tank?

 

“Number Six.” His father- no Sir Reginald said as he stared at the boy not even blinking at the shaking and the fear in Ben’s eyes. “Today we are going to practice the Eldritch’s fine control.”

 

Ben opened his mouth and tried to speak, his tongue felt stuck to the roof of his mouth and he can’t speak and everything felt closing in and god is this what Diego feel’s when he tries to speak. And Klaus. God Klaus is inside that tank and he’s looking at Ben with fear so _so_ much fear.

 

_“It’s okay Klaus. Don’t worry, everything is going to be fine.”_

No it’s not. Nothing is fine. It’s not fine. It’s not okay. What-

 

“And why is Klaus here?” Ben’s words were gritted out as he tried to quell the shaking in his hands.

 

The scientist merely raised his eyebrow and shifted so he could face the other boy in the tank. His eyes traced the huge pillars erected in the room placed between the tank and their position in the room. Each pillar was covered with paint. Most of them was covered with red while the rest was covered with black.

 

“In the past few months Number Six your growth as well as the rest of your siblings has to put it simply, hit a wall. You never seem to improve no matter what training I devised for you.”

 

“Why is Klaus _here_?” His words are gritted out and he can feel _Them_ stirring, can feel the dark inside him rousing to the anger that was coursing in his veins. There was also fear, but anger was better. Anger can make you feel stronger and act faster. Fear makes you frozen and weak. And Klaus was already looking at him with fear, it was palpable that Ben can feel it from the other end of the room. They can’t both be scared right now. They can’t. Specially if he was going to do what Ben thinks.

 

“I will excuse your tone this time Number Six. But make no mistake again for there will be punishment the next time around.” Reginald’s voice was clear and cold. Cutting and dismissive.

 

“Why is Klaus here, _Sir_.”

“Let me give the instructions for your training today Number Six. As I said, we will exercise fine control for today. You will use the Eldritch to destroy the targets which will be the black pillar. The red pillar will serve as the civilians or your allies. Hitting it will result in _dire_ consequences. Of course situations in real life are not so easy. There are pressure and time to consider in missions. And Number Four,” Reginald paused and turned in order to look at Ben in the eyes. “Number Four is here to serve as an incentive if you will.”

 

_No. Godnononononopleasewhywhywhywhat’sgoingtohappenwhyKlauswhyhimwhywhy-_

“You don’t have to destroy every pillar. Eliminating ten will do. Of course you can take your time if you want. But as to my knowledge the tank will take approximately two minutes to fill up.” Reginald looked down at Ben and brought his hand down to his shoulder. “Best of luck Number Six.” He said as if he wasn’t sacrificing his son in order to fulfill his disgusting training. As if he didn’t lock Klaus down in a tank and used him as an _incentive_ in order to control Ben. As if there wasn’t a high chance of Klaus dying if Ben made a mistake.

 

_Fuck._

 

When Reginald’s left the room and entered the observatory area, the pipe below the tank opened and as Reginald said it started releasing water. In a snap it was up to Klaus knees. Ben swallowed and closed his eyes. Already feeling _Them_ stirring inside of him. He closed his eyes and tried to calm down. Anger made it harder to control _Them._ It made their whispers of promises and power and threat so much louder. But then he heard thumping and then he opens his eyes and he sees Klaus with his hands tied behind his back as he rammed his shoulder again and again and again, the water already up to his waist.

 

 _No. No._ And so Ben let _Them_ out. He bit his lip and clenched his hand as he directed and ordered and begged them to just please hit those black pillar please he needs to go to his brotherpleasepleaseplease.

 

One. Two. Three. Ben gasped. He directed his body to the left and urged _Them_ to go over there. _They_ protested, the limbs trying to escape his already shaky control and trying to escape to get out of him but that would rip him out, would destroy him. No get back! Get backgetback!

 

Ben shuddered as _They_ returned inside of him writhing and moving and it hurt god it hurt so much. The boy felt his body shaking as he fell into his knees. He can’t do this. He can’t.

 

“Ben! BEN!” Klaus voice caught his attention and right. His brother he has to save him. He has to. So he stood up He stood up and took a step closer, avoiding all the rubbles as his hand never stopped shaking.

 

“Don’t Ben! It’s okay! I’m fine. I’m fine Ben I-“ But he can’t speak anymore because the water was all over the tank. And he can’t speak anymore because he can’t breath anymore. But Klaus is looking at him with a smile. He was scared. Klaus was scared, fear was on his eyes but he was smiling at Ben, as if telling him that it was okay. That he don’t have to do this anymore. But he can’t stop. Because Klaus will die. Klaus will die he knows it. And Reginald will let it. Let him drown and die for the sake of his research. For the sake of his fucking data.

 

And Ben can’t do that. He can’t let Klaus die. Can’t let him go. No. “ ** _No!_** ” Ben’s voice shook and warbled. It was his but not, it was dark and murder and god _They_ are so angry. So angry and hungry and they’re going to devour him and the world and they’re going to die but Klaus. But Klaus. **_“Listen to me!”_** And they did. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Klaus was closing his eyes nononono. Open your eyes Klaus open them.

 

Ben hobbled forward knees shaky as he tried to get closer to the tank and the other red pillars. Nine. Ten.

 

Ben gasped as he forced _Them_ back. Ordered and begged them back. When they did. Ben fell into his knees. Shaking and convulsing. But he forced himself up, pain lacing in his side, in his head, everywhere. He looked in front of him but Klaus is still there. Still in the water, drowning.

 

“Open it Dad! Dad! I did it! I did it already!”

 

“Destroy the tank Number Six. Destroy the tank if you want to release Number Four.”

 

No!

 

“I did it already! Open it! Open it please!” Ben tried begging but Reginald looked at him, his eyes cold as he stared at Ben. Ben raced forward and slammed his fist on the glass. Thump. Open! Thump. “Klaus!” Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

 

Ben screamed grasping his hair with his bloody hands with frustration and fear and anger. It won’t work. This won’t work. He has to use _Them._ But they won’t listen to him. Won’t come out now. But they have to. And he is so angry and so hurt and tired and scared and why won’t they listen to him!

**“Get OUT! GET OUT GETOUT!”** He could feel _Their_ reluctance but he pulled and ordered _Them_. Because god if Klaus died because _They_ won’t listen he’ll find a way to kill _Them_ and to kill Reginald. And he is going to kill everyone! Kill _Them-_

 

 ** _“DESTROY IT!_** **”** And _They_ came out. _They_ came out and hit the tank. A crack. **_“Hit it Harder!”_** With the second hit the tank shattered. The water surged forward bringing Klaus with it and sending Ben back. Ben hit the floor, his head thudding on the ground.

 

Black spots danced in his vision and he could feel _Them_ forcing _Their_ way out but he gritted his teeth and forced the black spots and the Horror back. Because Klaus was free now but he was not moving. He was pale and not breathing and not moving.

 

Ben tried to stand up but his knees was to weak, it felt more like liquid than solid at the moment so he crawled. Crawled closer, not minding that water and the shards cutting him up because Klaus is not moving.

 

He pulled Klaus over bringing him on his back. He was not breathing. “Klaus wake up.” He didn’t move. “Klaus wake up please. Please I-“ Ben choked tears falling in his eyes as sobs wracked his body because no. He can’t take this. No.

 

“Klaus. I’m going to wake you up okay?” Ben forced himself on his knees, kneeling beside Klaus. He could feel shards digging on his knees, can see blood mingling on water forming red ribbons. But he ignored it, ignored Reginald’s footsteps as he brought his hands between Klaus’ chest. They were trained at CPR. He could do this.

 

“One. Two. Three…” Ben counted aloud as he pumped on his chest. He ignored everything and focused on Klaus. Focused on his pale face, even paler today. He could see the lack of movement and god it felt so wrong. So _so_ wrong. Because Klaus was supposed to be moving. Was supposed to be life and warmth personified but he was so cold right now. So cold and still.

 

“Twenty-Eight. Twenty-Nine. Thirty.” Ben tilted his forehead up and lifted the chin forward. Ben pinched his nose and sealed his lips with Klaus. It was cold. But he ignored it and breathed for Klaus. One. Two. And he was up again. “One. Two. Three. Four. Come on Klaus please.”

 

Ben completed one cycle and another and another. And he was leaning again to give him air because he was still not moving, still not breathing. But he coughed. He coughed and Ben helped him up as he expelled water from his mouth.

 

“B-Ben.” And Ben could breathe now. He exhaled loudly and closed his eyes for a moment before opening it, breathing shakily as he embraced him. “I’m sorry Klaus. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.. I- Please Klaus.. I’m so-I’m so-“

 

“It’s okay Ben. S’okay. Shhh.” He looked up when he saw a shadow go over them. Before Ben can realize what he was doing, he finds himself putting his body in front of Klaus, between him and their _father_.

 

Reginald looked at them coldly, clinically as he inspected the two boys in front of him. “Good job Number Six. Though you could’ve done it faster.” Then he was walking out.

 

Ben could feel hatred. Not anger, but hatred, making its way through his everything. He has half a mind to release _Them._ To use _Them_ to destroy him to annihilate and bring him down. Rip him to pieces. And it would be good. It would feel so _so_ good. To just destroy him. To kill him and be done with it. And wouldn’t it be better? Wouldn’t that be good? To be done with all this. _They_ stirred inside and this time _They_ were all but ready to come out and rip him to-

 

“Ben.” And then he stopped. Because Klaus was looking at him as if he knew what he was thinking. “It’s- it’s not worth it Ben. It’s okay. Everything is okay now.”

 

Ben inhaled sharply and nodded. Embracing his brother closer. “Yes Klaus. Everything’s going to be okay. This isn’t going to happen again.”

 

And if he has to kill and destroy him, then so be it.

 

~.~

 

(And it didn’t happen again. No joint-training. Not even mausoleum training. Klaus wondered why it all suddenly stopped. But then Five disappeared and then Ben died. Then for some reason, the mausoleum continued again. (Actually he didn’t. Because when Ben died. At the night he died he told Klaus to leave if he wants to. Because now there was no one stopping his Dad from hurting him. From locking Klaus up. So he did. He left the house. But he wondered. How did Ben stop his Dad. What did he say to make him stop?))

 

(Klaus remembers Ben’s cold eyes as he watched his father walk away _that_ day. It was cold. Very cold and on the second thought, he now has an inkling what he said to their father that day.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys before I start my usual A/N I want to tell you that my friend from deviant art is accepting requests. She's EronekoSenpai from DeviantArt. I repeat she is taking requests for free!! She is EronekoSenpai in Deviant Art.
> 
> So you need someone to draw your OC? Ask her. You need lewd stuff? Just ask her. All you have to do is to follow her account or the follow equivalent of Deviant Art which is watch (right?) and send her notes regarding what you want to be drawn! And if you did, just mention that Den (which is me) told you about it!
> 
> So EronekoSenpai in DeviantArt!  
> Step 1: Follow her or in DeviantArt "Watch"  
> Step 2: Tell her what you want to be drawn and say that "Den" told you so.  
> *She doesn't draw: "Furries, gore, mecha, vore, stuff beyond ecchi-level lewd. "
> 
> But its totally for free people so yeah. Check her out!!
> 
> ~.~
> 
> Anyways you guys, this is the first fic I wrote for TUA and I just watched it recently and its awesome. I love it. I love my emotionally stunted kids. Anyways hope you like this!! Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, love y'all~
> 
> (Also I love Klaus omg. And also, the summary sucks i mean wtf me, think of something better)


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